I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
