this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
