between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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