Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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