I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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