I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
