You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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