the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
