please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
