I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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