Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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