LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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