At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
