The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
