dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
