Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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