tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
