she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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