Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
