so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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