it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
