Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is wine microwaveable?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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