my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it's like iHOP with fire
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
