so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
