she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
