We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
