Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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