i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
