I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the gays at disneyland are vicious
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
