FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
