On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
