why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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