I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize