So drunk its hurt
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FUCK WHALES
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
