so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
