apparently the secret to your success is patron
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
