I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
