Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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