I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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