i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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