i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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