No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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