Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
