guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
