i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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