Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
