I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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