I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
