You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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