If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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