I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
