You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
