I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
