I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
