She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
