Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
