I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
