try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
