I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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