Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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