Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
