My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
