god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
