my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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