is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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