people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
