I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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