Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
