god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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