dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
someone owes me an orgasm
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
