the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
