Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
