Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
